“Don’t let her score!” A girl shouted from across the field.
“I got her!” Another shouted as she tried to cut Solaris off.
Solaris glanced swiftly around, she knew one of her teammates would have to be nearby—and there! To the right and slightly upfield. With some well-practiced footwork, Solaris passed the soccer ball to her teammate and dodged her opponent by a fraction of a hair. She saw the girl stumble but stay upright so Solaris kept heading goalward.
“Hey! You!” Her teammate who’d taken the ball yelled, pointing at her, “It’s yours!” She dodged an intercepting player and sent the ball across the field to Solaris. Solaris took it from there, watching the opposing team to find her opening. If she passed it to her teammate over there, it might get them to open up just over there, giving her room to try something when the ball came back to her. With a shout and a wave, she sent the ball to her teammate and felt a wave of satisfaction as the opposing team sent their focus away from her. They were so close to winning.
“SOLARIS KHORANA! What are you doing?!” A dreadfully familiar voice carried across the field.
Solaris stopped in her tracks and sighed heavily. Crap. That voice belonged to her mother. She turned in response to find the woman marching across the sidewalks, avoiding the grass, in her direction. A little further back, her father and her sister were standing by the family car.
“Look at you! Grass stains! Mud! We can’t possibly get you cleaned up in time for the new student orientation!” Her mother complained.
“Mom, it’s going to be fine!” Solaris said as she left the field, “I can’t imagine they’re going to care about a grass stain or two, and the event’s not for a few hours. I was just getting to know the soccer club”.
“You can worry about the soccer club later”, her mother said impatiently, “Solaris, you know how important it is to make a good impression on the Student Government Association. Your sister made president in her second year; I see no reason you couldn’t if you put your mind to it”.
Solaris rolled her eyes, “Mom, you know that it only happened because they found the entire board to be corrupt, right?”
“And so what if it was? At least your sister had gotten herself into the right place to take over the job and do very well, I might add. Just try a little bit and you’ll find it’s not so bad. And it’ll look excellent on your resume”.
Solaris nodded slowly, all the running on the field had tired her out too much to argue. “Okay, I’ll try”, she said flatly.
Her mother smiled and nodded with satisfaction and then beckoned for her to head to the car, “Believe me, it’ll be worth it. But first, you need to get cleaned up and your father will drive you to the Student Union. We’ll get dinner after then drop you off at your dorm. Remember not to stay up too late, tomorrow’s our last day in town to get everything sorted and it’ll be a full itinerary”.
A whirlwind day of meeting representatives from the university’s various services and departments as they gave their speeches describing their roles and responsibilities passed quickly. Solaris found herself with a bagful of branded pens, placards, and knickknacks she had no real use for and a general sense of being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information they’d thrown at her.
She wanted a break to process it all, but she left the packed auditorium to find her family waiting for her outside.
“Did you learn anything new, kiddo?” her father asked lightheartedly.
“I learned there’s a lot more to worry about that had never crossed my mind before”, she replied, remembering one presentation about campus safety. She knew college life could get a little crazy, and sometimes even dangerous, but to see the numbers laid out the way they were, it made her a little worried.
Her father smiled reassuringly, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine here. It’s a very safe campus. Safest in the state”.
“And you’re not the sort to get into trouble anyway”, her mother added, “Just follow the rules here, and you’ll be fine”.
“It’s natural to feel a bit nervous”, her father followed gently, “This will be your first time away from us for so long. It’ll take some time, but eventually it will feel more comfortable. It’ll even be fun. It’s a big step, university, but it’s going to be worth it”.
“I see no reason you couldn’t do well here. Your sisters all graduated from here at the top of their classes. I know you can do the same. Anyway, it’s getting late, and we’ll lose our reservation if we don’t leave soon”.
As they left the Student Union building, Solaris struggled to decide if she felt comforted or not. If she was being honest, she leaned towards “not”.
Her mother had reserved the family a table at the only high-end restaurant in town. Dinner, as always, held a tense sort of silence. The sort of quiet as before a storm. Compared to the other tables whose patrons were chatting away about various matters of the day, theirs was an island of restrained coldness. Even their server seemed to pick up on the frigidity of their table because his cheery demeanor would visibly become muted each time he drew near. Solaris felt sorry for him.
Her parents occasionally broke the silence to exchange terse comments regarding the food and the weather, but it felt as if the conversation dared not to delve more deeply than that. It had been a long time since the family had sat around the table and had a real, respectful conversation. A lot had broken since her grandmother died. It was as if she’d taken the warmth with her. They’d shared a name, at least, and a few good years together.
She wondered what her grandmother would think of her now. Solaris: a college student. The second-to-last of her generation to go to university, and the first to study physical sciences. Would she be proud? Concerned? Disappointed?
“Remember to turn in the FERPA waiver before Friday so your father and I can be on the university’s greenlist”, her mother reminded, “We’d like to check in on you”.
Solaris nodded and agreed with a quiet hum, but a part of her coiled in frustration. This was just another avenue of control her mother would exert over her, but to outright deny her when she was paying the tuition would found all sorts of accusations. It was better just to let the woman have this.
Solaris was finally alone. She sat, curled up in a comfortable chair, a blanket around her shoulders. Her dorm room was smaller than her room at home, but she didn’t have to share the space with her sister. It was one of those apartment-style dorms, where each resident had a room and bathroom to themselves, only sharing a kitchen and common area. Her roommates were two other girls, both freshmen like her. One was an architecture major, and the other was in general studies. They seemed nice. At the very least, they were quiet.
As comfortable as the chair and blanket were, Solaris couldn’t help but feel a sense of disquiet. Here she was, on the eve of what might be her first taste of freedom and yet, she was afraid. Could she really do this? She had never lived on her own before. Just a week ago, she had to ask permission to leave the house and now…
She glanced at the clock; it was 11pm. Far past 9pm curfew her parents had set for her and Sam. She shut her laptop, the FERPA form could wait a day or two, and got up. She threw on a hoodie, grabbed her phone and keys. She was going to try out this new freedom. She half expected her mother to be waiting just outside the door to catch her, but the dorm’s hallway was silent and empty.
The carpeted hallway with its blank walls, myriad doors, and the too bright fluorescent lights felt vast. Compared to how lively it was during the day, the emptiness of the space felt strangely cold. As if some important aspect of this hallway had been excised. It almost felt dead.
This did not stop her. Solaris continued through the hall until she reached the stairwell, and then eventually the front door to the dormitory. She continued determinedly on, and if perhaps she had stopped before exiting, she might have realized that she’d left her keycard to the now-locked front door on her desk.
The cool night air brought with it the scent of wet earth and rain. Fortunately, it seemed to be a brief break between the intermittent light showers of the day, the overcast dark sky hid any stars that could be seen. The briskness woke her up a little, and she walked away from the building with quick steps. The fresh air raised her spirits. Perhaps her father was right. She might even like it here.
She traced her steps back to the park where she’d played soccer at earlier in the day. Compared to the rest of campus, the terrain here was slightly hilly. Only the main footpaths were brightly lit and somewhere in the darkness she could hear the splashing of a fountain. She felt her pace slow as she remembered the safety presentation that afternoon. She decided to stick to the well-lit areas.
The footpath had been plotted to allow for a nice variety of inclines and viewpoints of the campus buildings. During the day, there would be thousands of people going from one side to the other but at night, it was empty. The only sound was the chirp of cricket and buzzing of various other nocturnal insects. As she headed deeper into the park, she realised what was previously a refreshing breeze was swiftly colder. Before long, she would need to go home or risk catching a cold. Solaris walked slowly enjoying her newfound freedom, her heart beating heavily from the excitement of being outside after curfew.
She heard a car drive up on the road that went alongside the park, then another. She glimpsed the white-and-grey livery of the campus police department as the cars passed by. Their lights weren’t on, but she still felt a flash of concern. She shook it off. It would make sense that they’d be on patrol at night. Given all the stories she’d heard during the safety presentation it seemed unlikely they would leave the campus unattended at night. She kept going. Deeper and deeper into the park.
Then she heard men shouting.
Solaris stopped in her tracks. Her heart in her throat. Something was happening. Oh gods, what if it was like one story she’d heard at the presentation? Should she run? Stay? Hide? She froze as she realized she heard quick footsteps growing louder. Somebody was running towards her.
Over the ridge of the nearest hill, she saw a tall dark figure move swiftly in her direction with no sign they had noticed her in their path and absolutely no sign of stopping. She reacted in the only way she knew, as it drew within arm’s reach, she cocked her fist back and sent it into their face.
She felt her knuckles crack with the impact. She withdrew her bruised fist and doubled over, cradling it in her shock at the sudden pain. Turns out hitting a bony area like the face hurt. Tears flooded her eyes, and she squeezed them shut.
When she finally opened her eyes she saw her victim, a guy about her age, on the floor, holding his jaw and emitting a stream of what sounded like curse words. Solaris immediately felt herself caught in a wave of guilt. If it had hurt her so much, he must really be in pain. She approached hoping to apologize.
“Fuck off!” he growled, and Solaris stepped back. She heard more footsteps approach and saw two men in the uniform of campus police run up.
“Woah! There you are you- Hey, what happened here?” one asked.
“I panicked”, Solaris squeaked out, “My hand really hurts”.
“Hey, Jim, I got the guy, you make sure she’s doing alright over there”, the first officer said as he pulled the young man up and slipped some handcuffs on him, “It’s thanks to her we got this one”.
The other officer approached, “Did you say you hurt your hand? What happened? Did he bother you?”
Solaris took a moment to parse through all the questions he’d asked, “No. I just panicked. I feel really bad about it. Is he going to be okay?”
She heard the officer laugh, “Yeah, he’ll be fine”, he said between chuckles, “You know…” his tone changed from jovial to something a little more conspiratorial, “since we didn’t see what happened, you’re welcome to press charges. Get a little something out of being… ‘attacked’… here in the park”.
Solaris stared at him as the implications dawned on her, “No”, she said incredulously, “I hit him. It was an accident. I panicked. I don’t need to do that”.
She saw the officer’s expression shift into a tight smile. He nodded and took a business card out of his front pocket, “Yes, ma’am, understood. If you change your mind, be sure to call this number, within this many”, he scribbled a number on the back, “days, else we can’t do anything about it”. He passed it to her.
Solaris took the card as if it would burn her fingers and hurriedly stashed it into her jeans pocket. She wasn’t sure if she’d done something wrong, or rather something right. The whole conversation set her on edge.
“T-thanks”, she stammered out, she would give anything to be back in her dorm room right now, “Can I go now?”
“Yeah, get outta here”, the cop said dismissively, “Don’t stay out so late and you won’t get caught up in shit like this”.
Solaris nodded and tried to stop herself from running back to the dorm. As soon as the officer was out of sight, she tore the business card up and threw it in a bin. The night had begun almost alright, she’d almost felt like she belonged here, but now…
All she felt was disgusted. With the cops, herself, and that she had let herself believe everything was going to be better. She felt hot tears track down her face and when she got to the dorm and realized she’d left the keycard in her room, she nearly threw her phone in frustration. Instead, she took a deep breath, and found her roommate’s number. It took a few calls but eventually, her roommate came down, bewildered, and let her back in.
As they came back to the apartment, Solaris considered putting some ice on her hand, but she was too emotionally and physically exhausted to fathom it. She’d take care of it tomorrow.